October 6, 2012 § Leave a comment
I’m going to resuscitate the blog by writing an angry post.
I’m not angry anymore, to be fair. I was angry hours ago when some asshole grabbed my ass at a party I was with my uni friends in a random club. The party was actually really good. I wasn’t wearing a short dress/skirt. But if I were he still didn’t have the right to do so.
What makes a man think a woman would like that? To be groped and touched by a stranger without her permission?
What makes a man think a woman likes to hear shouts and words calling her hot, sexy or anything else on the street?
Do people really think this is attractive? That this is a good way of getting women to sleep with you?
Because it seems like a really fucking terrible idea. And worst of all are people who think that it’s a compliment. No, it isn’t. It’s harassment. It’s not just the words, it’s all that comes with it: fear, power, violence, objectification.
I’m made fun of by some of my classmates because I always say ‘That’s so sexist!’ to mostly everything people say (that I consider it to be sexist). But I don’t believe this time I’m not overreacting.
Why do you think women are fucking scared of being followed by a man? Or mostly by a group of men? On our way to the party, about 4 or 5 cars shouted and whistled and honked at us. Then, my friends that were behind (in a larger group of women) started being followed by a big group of guys, who shouted things as well. It’s terrifying.
Tell me why do I have to think that being grabbed by a random stranger at a party should be a compliment? And why should I be called ‘fucking ugly’ because I said ‘No’ and pushed him? Why should I be ok with the fact that a person I have no idea who it is, because the party was crowded, thought he had any right to grab my ass like he did? It’s my body, after all. I should have a right to say something about who touches it.
I read an article a few months ago about this research someone did in the US. They asked a group of men and a group of women what were their worst fears regarding the opposite sex. Most men answered ‘to be humiliated’ or something like that. Most women answered ‘being raped and murdered’.
ISN’T THAT REALLY WRONG? Do men understand that the ‘compliments’ they shout at women on the street, or the way they look, whistle, or even clap when girls walk by, are not just words or acts, but actually carry with them fear and shitloads of years of sexism and violence against women? Women who are still sadly and ridiculously considered the ones to blame when something bad happens, because they ‘asking for it’ or dressed in some sort of improper way. Sexual violence is more about violence than sex. It’s about power.
It was a strange day, to be fair, my father made a comment of the sort ‘asking for it’ when he saw a girl walking on a dark street (at a quite reasonable hour). I found out about a ridiculous tale of how a girl was fingered by a police officer during a search. And these things happen with friends and family and cousins and classmates and co-workers. And yes, it happens with men too.
Some people don’t understand that being a woman means you constantly live with this bizarre fear. You feel powerless because it’s revolting. Powerless to change the minds of these assholes and powerless because you can’t not feel like shit when someone does something to you. Powerless because sometimes there’s not a way of fighting back. Powerless because it’s not one guy or just once. It happens more often than people think and most people make no case of it – as in when I was in the bathroom I told my friend a guy grabbed my ass and I could see the girl next to me rolling her eyes at my story of how I felt vulnerable and sad.